Tuesday, May 12, 2009

stardoll blogging 101

so you decided to make a blog about stardoll, fashion, friends, and crap. congrats.
after spending the whole afternoon banging your head thinking of a creative name for your blog, and asking the genius people on various popular clubs what you should be posting about.. you created it! woopi!

i decided to make a guide to stardoll blogging, because i dont want your poor innocent souls to be left behind in this tough world of crap blogging.

first thing you need is your own avatar. think of something that reflects your personality, the way you want people to know you.. your medoll. people will enjoy looking at that large horizontal picture of your gawjuss medoll [or if you're so full of yourself, make it a giant square]. your posts are pointless anyway, but they wont notice it, since their eyes will be focusing on that stunning avatar of yours.
to create your avatar, take a screenshot of your medoll, ask some kid to apply all of photoshop's effects on it. add to it a hair from idressup, 'since stardoll's hairstyles are shit'. add a background to it, and write in a very large font your stardoll-name all over it [you can write your name as many times as you want]. for the medoll's look, some people pick that 'seductive' lips, michael jackson's nose, and a huge distance between their eyebrows and eyes, and their lips located a little under the nose, to create that large jay leno's chin.

now, after you already got your avatar, why not letting people know about it? make a new post after every little change you add to that pic. their opinions matter. you dont want them to think you're ugly. the only problem is - you are your blog's only visitor. so you must whore yourself out in clubs, messages, guestbooks, msn,.. beg them to become followers of your blog, and to comment on every single post you make.

look for writes, the more the better. they can write crap too. like that introduction post, telling how excited they are to be a writer in your fabulous blog, and give their own opinions on the latest hotbuys or anything new in stardoll, even if you already have made posts about these things. this way you'll guarantee that your blog will be updated daily, with an average of 1 post every 2 hours.

gossip. oh people just like reading about it. you must spend all of your time in club animal lovers [rip?]. you must be there when all the drama begins. omg!!!1 CuPc@k3Z called pw1nsezz a fatty. how could she?! people have feelings!1 lyke omg shez so mean! every living person should be reporting her!!!!1

fashion. damn girlfriend, you know how to work that pink boots with the orage skinnies. you look so damn hawt in that outfit. you're a fashion guru and an inspiration to us all. please keep on making those 'how to wear' posts. you always know how to match the trousers, shirt, jacket, bag, shoes, necklace and even makeup!

fashion police. your style is amazing, a true fashionista. you must tell those lost souls where did their outfits failed. you're a true life savior. even if they're all wearing the same thing, someone forgot to add a purse. send her to the naughty corner for 10 minutes, to think about her fashion fails.

french. you cant be a fashionista and not speak french. you dont love that newly released [insert clothing brand] dress. you j'adore it [or however its spelled]. even if you dont speak the language, yôu must, at least, use frénch letters.

fueds. you must have a frenemy [a combination of the words friend+enemy]. you fight over stupid things, you post your version of whatever the fuck happened, and ask 10 other people to post about it in their blogs. your fellow writers must support you, and make hate posts about that evil 'friend'. 5 hours later you kiss and make up like nothing ever happened. then you go and ask people to stop saying bad things about your 'friend'. the next day you will also fight and make up a couple hours later. if people get tired of your crap, get another frenemy.

parties! guestbook parties are the shit. dont forget to post pictures of the people that showed up. and talk about the clothes they were wearing.

diary. aside of your very successful blog, and your 'elite' status, you must have a blog where you write personal things and thoughts. yep, your so down to earth your majesty.

apologize for not writing anything, 2 days straight, and promise to be more active from now on.

fuck it.
im going to sleep.


Lauren said...

Ummm so I'm guessing but i'm just spit balling here that you are making fun of all Stardoll Blogs :P
Lol it was kinda funny

Anonymous said...

That was hilarious.

Lettie97 said...


thestardollinsiders said...

lol, I just wonder why you keep reading blogs and getting all worked up about it which made you write this whole sarcastic text xP Why spend so much time on typing that thing! xP If you're so utterly convinced all blogs suit that profile, just don't visit the blogs and maybe if they don't have any readers, they'll end the blog! Happy you!

j'adore is the right spelling btw, but then you can't put 'you' in front of it. (j' = je = I) But it's the first time I hear about that 'french being in' thing... but then again I rarely read blogs xP

Jinniy said...

Lol! :D
I love the way how your descirbed to get that trashy-elite-look, pick 'seductive' lips :D

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! Great post especially the bit aboutjackson nose and seductive lips. I wonder myself how that look is considered hot, it makes you look dumb. =P